This is not easy for me to write, because in doing so, I am admitting that I am not perfect (and who likes to do that?!) However, I think it is important and interesting to see how one little sentence can be the catalyst for so much positive change.
Most humans love to boast, at least those who live in Western Culture. It’s true that by the time I am finished writing, I will be somewhat guilty, as well. I find, however, that the people who boast the most are the ones that have the least to be proud of. Bragging is their way of fluffing themselves up, presumably to attain the awe and approval of others, thereby bolstering their own, suffering self esteem. As my friend JT writes, there is a “…subconscious need that exists for [some] people to want others to be less 'great' than they are.” Some…but not all.
Braided into, but acting antagonistically, lies the inability for most people to identify, acknowledge and accept their shortcomings. I’m sure that is due, in part, to a natural tendency to want to focus on the positive, and reject the negative. For myself, I know that there have been many times in my life I’ve used the “if I ignore it, it will go away/it doesn’t exist” strategy. I believe it is also referred to as, “putting your head in the sand.” In a twist on human denial also lies the fascinating psychological phenomenon of disliking someone because you see in them something you subconsciously dislike about yourself; or because you are subconsciously jealous.
A while back, I read something that stuck with me. But it didn’t stick with me in a comforting, “oatmeal breakfast on a cold snowy day,” way, it stuck with me in a “when I ate that hamburger last night I should have remembered that red meat gives me middle-of-the-night colon spasms” way. It was like a nagging cramp that wouldn’t let me forget. Like a finger, repeatedly poking me in the deltoid while saying, “Why can’t YOU be like that?” over and over again. The words going through my head were from my dear friend Sunny’s myspace page. The words said, “i love to say "i'll do it!" even if i don't have time to.”
Why was that one little sentence running through my head? What about it, at the same time, both interested and irritated me? After a while, I figured it out…I ALSO love to say, “I’ll do it” even if I don’t have time. The difference is, I DON’T.
Originally I thought I was annoyed with Sunny, which made me feel terrible. Sunny is one of the most amazing people I know. She is smart, kind, funny, talented beyond words and incredibly kind and sensitive. When I was going through one of the worst times in my life last Fall, out of the blue, Sunny and her daughters sent me a single page out of a coloring book. It was the Powerpuff Girls and a rabbit, and at the bottom it said, “Once again, Emily saved the day.” The thing about it is, Sunny had NO IDEA what I was going through, other than the fact that she knew something was amiss, and she was one of the only people who reached out to me. She was like the 7th son of the Crocodile King on
I decided to funnel my emotions into something productive. So I decided to give, “I’ll do it” a try. Sometimes the best ways to face our shortcomings is to dive straight in…like Captain Jack Sparrow fighting the Kracken. Laugh if you will, but I actually saw a lot of brave poignancy in his courageous effort.
I was already at the kids’ preschool ALL the time hovering, spying, dealing with “this and that.” So when M’s teacher asked me to substitute for her for part of the day while she took her son to the dentist, I took a deep breath, (drank some Airborne and loaded up on hand-sanitizer, and faced ANOTHER one of my demons…my fear of kiddies and the germs they carrying around…haha) and said…wait for it…wait for it…
“I’LL DO IT!”
Ahh…that felt good. And it was actually fun hangin’ with the class. M is very lucky to have a great group of kids in his class. I actually had no idea how much fun a bunch of 4 year olds could be.
When a local wildlife rehabilitator asked me to count the ducks and geese at a pond in our town; as well as feed a few injured ones, I replied, “I’ll do it!” Subsequently, one day a week, V and I not only feed the ducks, but we also count and identify them to make sure everyone is present and accounted for. It’s fun for both of us to have such a unique Mother/Daughter activity, and it’s nice to be outside even when it’s cold-ish. I simply fill out my little form and email it back to the lead rehabilitator and it’s turned out to be a really fun and rewarding experience!
What I am most proud of (here comes the bragging…ha ha) is something I did all by myself. Our local animal shelter announced in the newspaper that Pedigree food was no longer going to participate in donating dog and cat food. As a consequence, the shelter was about to run out of puppy food, and the dog and cat food was not far behind. Two emails later (one to my neighborhood Ladies Bunco group) and one to my Moms Club, I am pleased to report that I was able to collect 357 lbs. of dog and cat food, and donated it to the shelter. My goal was to collect 200 lbs., and to exceed that by 157 lbs. was very exciting! I now hope to create a “rolling donation” program, where folks can drop the food off at my home, and I can bring it to the shelter in batches.
It is difficult to face the fact that we are not flawless and accept our shortcomings. It has been my experience, though, that once I am able to own my problem areas, I am better able to work them out for myself. It is liberating to be inspired, rather than jealous. Thankful, rather than bitter. I wonder if I would have volunteered so often at my kids’ school, took on the Duck/Geese Project and collected the pet food had I not been, in a way, negatively, impacted by reading that one simple sentence.
I suppose I’ve created a monster now…my own version of “My Name is Earl.” Except rather than right all the wrongs I’ve done to others, I have my own little checklist of self improvement. Now…if I can only stop picking my fingers, and chewing on my cheek…hmmm…In the mean time, I am proud to honestly say (and mean it)
I love to say “I’ll do it” even when I don’t have time!
2 comments:
Me do it!
You go girl!
Post a Comment