I wish I had another title. I wish I could think of something more “lady like.” Try as I may to avoid “potty humor,” it is nearly impossible with two small children (and a husband, no offense.) For now, at least part of my life, is focused on farts. As if it wasn’t bad enough that my father has “inspired” both of my kids to “burp like Big Al,” (as they call him) but he further turned back the evolutionary clock by announcing, “Did someone step on a DUCK?”
laughing, and then pretending to fire a fake rifle into a sky filled with fake ducks sounding off fake “quacks” each and every time someone passed gas, kids included. It was actually quite funny because at the end of the day, I am TOTALLY immature and appreciate the simple things in life like “fart jokes” and humor otherwise derived from bodily noises. However, the humor was quickly lost when my darling 3 year old daughter began asking, 
“Did thomebody thep on a duck?” every time she HERSELF passed wind…giggling like a 3rd year sophomore at a fraternity party, 
rather than Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty.
Our dinner tonight started off lovely. We insist that we all eat dinner together at the kitchen table, a tradition we have always enjoyed immensely. Call us “1950’s,” but we are a close knit family and we feel like we are part of a dying breed…we all eat together! Tonight we dined on “Longs and Shorts with Meatballs,” our 4 year old son’s very descriptive name for “Spaghetti with Meatballs,” a family favorite. It’s kind of cool and rainy so I had the comfort food in full effect. After what seemed like 15 minutes of “Dueling Blessings,” (the kids attempting to one-up each other during the before meal “Grace,” I’m sure Jesus is SOOO proud…), we dug into our dishes. With our mouths full, unable to speak, a noise startled us into looking up from our plates.
Bah-rap-pap-pap-pap…pap…pap…pap…pap, pap, pap, pap-pap-pap…pap…….pap……….pap…………….pap…………thhhssssshhhh
Shocked…Andrew and looked from child to child searching for the culprit. Our gaze was met by M looking equally as shocked and confused; and V with a mouth full of ‘longs and shorts” looking guilty as hell, with a HUMONGOUS smile on her face.
Although Andrew, V, and I knew what had happened, M was still in the weeds…
In his always-louder-than-normal speaking voice, genuinely perplexed as to where the sound originated, completely honest, eyes full of wonder, M asked…
“What WAS that? A WOODPECKER???”
After laughing for nearly 15 minutes, I was able to finish my meal and pour another glass of wine.
A woodpecker, indeed! Or his 3 year old sister's bottom. Whatever.
2 comments:
Love it!!!! We are major 1950's as well- we all eat together every night we can.
We eat together too! It's just something that is important to us-although it can get pretty hectic at times! That was such a cute story...I always love (fart) humor!
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