The Tina Chronicles...Tina Asks to Babysit for Jessica...

(This quote really has nothing to do with this blog...except it's hilarious and loyal...just like Tina.)

Once a month, the ladies in our neighborhood get together to play a dice game called Bunco.

I’d never heard of Bunco until moving to the South. So yes, it’s reason #122 I love living in my little Carolina town. Bunco is a dice game that is so easy, a monkey could play it. Or a caveman (that joke NEVER gets old to me…) While I’m at it, YO’ MAMA could play it. It’s that brainless. The gist of the game is you roll 3 dice for “ones,” then “twos” all the way up to “sixes.” During each round, the team with the most “ones,” “twos,” and so forth wins. You score Bunco by rolling all three dice the same number as the round you are playing. For example, if you are rolling for “ones,” and you roll all ones, you yell “BUNCO!” and everyone laughs and applaudes and moves on the next round. Or, the first team to get to 21 points wins. So basically if you have the ability use one hand to roll 3 dice, you’re in, like Flynn. I don’t know why I’m explaining the rules, because… Here’s the catch…it’s not Bunco, without Drunko. Everyone is to bring an appetizer and “their favorite drink.” Read: “What’s gonna get your buzz on fastest?”
Remember playing “Beer Pong” at the Sig Ep house when, instead of building the Homecoming float, you and your sorority sisters were making out with random guys or running around with their skirts pulled over their heads while running and laughing (intoxicated or otherwise…) uncontrollably? Well, it’s kind of like that, but instead of taking place at Sig Ep, you meet at a different gal’s home each month, and instead of making out with random guys, you take turns cooing over the latest newborn and politely fighting over who gets to feed her the next bottle.

Andrew and I value “family time” above all else, but he doesn’t mind watching the kids during Bunco because when I get home I’m pretty much “a sure thing.” Sorry to family who is reading this…But it’s kinda true. So yeah, it’s kind of like that. Whatever, who cares, let’s drink. Oh, how I LOVE the South!

So Tina and I usually attend Bunco together. And although Tina weighs a good 10 lbs. less than me, she can drink me under the table. Which basically means, at our size, she can drink ONE more drink than me and still appear to have her facaulties about her. So we’re at Jessica’s house for Bunco, and everything was kind of winding down and it was time for Jessica’s 5-month old baby daughter to have a bottle. We all kind of took turns holding and feeding the baby (I now know the joy of a Grandparent…the baby is so sweet and amazing, I love her, she’s sweet…yadda…yadda…yadda…and then I got to GIVE HER BACK!) Of course, being Bunco, we were all a little overserved. And then Tina started talking…(to my horror…)

“You just tell me when you want to babysit that baby…I’ll stroll her up and down the street…I love babies…I’m home during the day, I’ll just take her for you, I’d love to babysit…”

Oh no…If we were at Sig Ep, would I be peeling Tina off the “Ugly Funny Guy?” Oh no…

“I mean, my boys are grown…and I love babies, I love them, I can babysit whenever you want….

And then she said SEVEN little words that will go down in INFAMY, (I LOVE you T---and this is why…)

She was doing well up until this point, and then her face went from smiling, jokey sympathizer to a totally neutral, serious face that accompanied her equally sudden and serious tone of voice. We all waited a few seconds with baited breath, and then she said…

BUT I WON’T BE A WET NURSE…”

WHAT?! What, WHAT?!! Did she just say she wouldn’t NURSE Jessica’s baby? Oh man, Tina is…THE. BEST. All hail the awesomeness that is Tina. Oh Golly. Did she just say, “Wet Nurse?” TIME TO LEAVE.

“It’s been great! Thanks Jessica!” I said as I gathered up Tina up so we could leave. Immediately and with no further dialogue.

You never really know when words will be spoken that will go down in history as good, bad or otherwise…or in this case FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS. Of course, the words, “Wet nurse” now reduce all of us to tears and belly laughs. The thing is, Tina is so completely selfless and generous, the punch-line, LITERALLY, was her choice of words.

Wet Nurse.

Say it. It’s funny.

Oh man. I love Bunco. And I love me some Tina.

Being friends with Tina is CLOSE to feeling like this picture. Almost. But not quite as funny or awesome. It's ok to be jealous.