100 Things and Why I Haven't Blogged in FOREVER!

"What's happenin' Hot Stuff?"

Poor V. She turned 3 years old last week and it was kind of a "blink and you missed it" situation. In fact, truth be told, she hasn't actually had ANY kind of celebration, or even acknowledgment that she is, in fact, one year older, because we postponed her birthday.
What's that, you say? Playing God, am I? Not really, in fact, if I was playing God, I would have made it so that M didn't wake up SICK AS A DOG on her birthday. We ended up canceling pizza and cake with family friends, and in good conscience (and in the name of full disclosure) I rescheduled being the "Special Snack Mom" for V's preschool class that day. I mean, it would be considered rude, I'm sure, to make "Kid Sushi" out of rice crispie treats, gummi worms, and GERMS. That being said, V has a TON (and I mean that literally, not figuratively...I think she really and seriously has a TON) of presents to open...but not for another few days.

In the mean time, I spent exactly NO time blogging, rather I spent a LOT of time Lysoling, cleaning, laundering, cuddling and rocking in the corner in the fetal position (no, not with a kid, just me...practicing my "I hope I don't catch this" mantra...)

So, in lieu of an actual blog, I present you with something I have been working on here and there. ..100 Things About Me.

1. I must always have a plan and a schedule. Even if the plan is “stay home,” at least there’s a plan.

2. I love cats (I have 4 of them, but they have a combined total of 11 legs…do the math)

3. I drive a minivan tricked out with Pirate Stuff. I am comfortable with my coolness. I don’t need an SUV to prove my street cred. Honda Odyssey all the way, yo’.

4. Two of my worst habits are I chew on my cheek and I pick my fingernails

5. I am not a morning person OR an evening person. If I could sleep from 2 am to 10 am, instead of the more traditional sleep times, I would. However having children makes that impossible.

6. Since I don’t eat cake in real life (I watch my weight), I dream about it. Literally. I did last night.

7. I would like to go to Japan, France, and the Czech Republic (where my family is from) but I am afraid to fly and I hate to travel.

8. The only alcohol I drink is white wine.

9. I’ve had laser hair removal and the only people who will even see where are my doctor and my husband.

10. I got my ears pierced when I was in 4^th grade on Valentine’s Day

11. I hate fish.

12. My lucky/favorite number is 3…any multiple of 3 works for me, too.

13. I have been active in theater all my life, but once I starting majoring in theater in college, I realized it was more of a hobby than a lifestyle, and I pretty much haven’t acted since.

14. I love scary movies…good, bad or otherwise, but on the rare occasion that one actually scares me…(“The Sixth Sense” was the most recent…) well, now THAT’S good times!

15. I have one brother and no first cousins. My brother pretends to be the serious one. The straight man. But he is actually MUCH funnier than I am. And if you know me, then that is saying something.

16. One of my kids was bald until he was 2 years old, and the other was born with so much hair she looked like she was wearing a wig.

17. My favorite color is pink. But if I was a crayon, I’d be “silver” because it sparkles

18. My toe nails are ALWAYS pedicured. Always. Even in winter I wear polish. I just like the way it looks. I detest necked toes.

19. I have clinically diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, with Phobia. Living with it is my silent, daily struggle.

20. Almost 100% of my life follows an “Open Book” policy. Secrets are for the ashamed. Other than my husband’s salary and what we have in Savings/Trust, I’ll tell you anything…all you have to do is ask.

21. I think gays should have the right to Civil Unions. Why shouldn’t every human be entitled to the same basic rights as everyone else? So much controversy over itty-bitty body parts! Why is everyone so worried about two wieners or two nu-nus living together, loving each other and being HAPPY! Isn’t that what we ALL (straight, gay or otherwise) want out of life???

22. I love to read, but I don’t get to NEARLY as much as I’d like to. I’d choose a book over television any day…but TV is so much easier…you can’t turn a book on in the background while you are doing dishes or changing the sheets…

23. I was given this life to slay dragons. I am grateful that someone thought enough of me to send me this gift.

24. I am a champion of underdogs…underdogs know the value to working hard for achievement…folks who win all the time with little effort take that for granted, and that breeds laziness and ambivalence

25. I am not patient, as a rule, however having kids is teaching me that all bets are off.

26. In my house, the kids are ALWAYS served the first plate of food. I don’t know why, there is no lesson here…except that my daughter takes FOREVER to eat.

27. I love to cook, hate to clean. I do all of our lawn work (except mow), but an indoor cleaning service is a must.

28. I think the abbreviation ASAFP is the funniest thing EVER. It replaces ASAP meaning, As Soon As Possible. The added “F” stands for my most favorite expletive…possibly my favorite word in the English Language.

29. I most admire people who don’t pretend. Unless they are under the age of 12. Then it’s ok. But driving that too-expensive luxury car with that interest-only mortgage…? You ain’t foolin’ anyone….least of all me. My sister in law says it best… “Inauthenticity and laughing like a news anchor” do NOTHING for me. She “files” this under “BS.” Me too.

30. My husband won’t let me use credit cards. He would be proud of me to list him here as “Stingy.” And I’m proud to call him that, too. Without him, I’d be a victim of #29… “30-year fixed” up in this piece, Baby! ha ha. We walk a very fine line, though. Very “Gift of the Magi.”

31. Try as I may not to be, I am judgmental. Now I am finally starting to embrace it. A “judgment” is really nothing more than an “opinion.” I am FULLY aware of the proverbial 3 fingers pointing back at me, as I point out in to the world.

32. I am a sage.

33. I love the Beatles and Nirvana

34. However, I only love to sing along with female vocalists

35. My favorite place to sing is in my car when I’m driving

36. My best math subject was trigonometry

37. I know how to milk a goat

38. On any given Sunday I am guarded by SEVEN Great Pyrenees dogs that I love and trust.

39. I used to think I liked to eat more than I wanted to be thin. Now that I’m thin, I know that I want to be thin more than I like to eat.

40. I believe in ghosts, and I believe that even memories can haunt places

41. I love karaoke

42. I’m not an optimist or a pessimist…I am a realist, which, by definition SHOULD make me a pessimist, but on the contrary, it allows me to enjoy everything a little bit more

43. I know how to turn a lump of clay into a coffee mug using a potter’s wheel

44. I am messy, but not dirty

45. The older I get, the less of a temper I have…but when my temper flares…BEWARE.

46. It used to be extremely important to me that everyone like me. When I found out in college that you can’t please everyone, that no matter what you do, not everyone is going to like you and that none of it matters, anyway, it was a HUGE relief and it felt like the biggest weight of the world was lifted off me. Now I just live to make myself happy and my family proud…the rest of it now falls into place.

47. I am nosey and I like hearing gossip (even though, karmacally, it means someone is gossiping about me, too…refer to #46 if you think I care!)

48. I think “signing for baby” is a load of bunk. Hog wash. Unless the baby is hearing impaired or has a developmental delay.

49. I love “Yo’ Mama” jokes, and they never cease to make me laugh. I don’t know why they are so funny to. I guess it’s because somehow, “Yo Mama” has become the perfect insult/comeback ever, although by definition, the two words together are nothing more than a sentence fragment. Something my 9^th Grade English teacher would have slashed through with a red pen. Meaningless hilarious nonsensical phooey…and I LOVE IT.

50. I love to admire people, because admiring means you are proud of what they have done, and inspire others to do their best, too…but I refuse to envy…jealously is useless and causes nothing but frustration.

51. I hate drinking water, but I do it anyway because the “powers that be” say it’s good for us. The only exception is the “middle of the night” thirst I get every so often…that’s when water tastes the best!

52. When I was in 5^th grade I got knocked out of our class spelling bee by the word, “vehicle.” I’m still a horrible speller.

53. I think that the people who talk about how much sex they are getting or about how huge their partner’s Johnson is, are the people who having horrible sex with less-than-endowed men. When you know a happy couple who never discusses their “private” life…they are the ones with the sex trapeze hanging from their bedroom ceiling.

54. I LOVE Tim Burton, and all of his movies. My Andrew even bought me a signed copy of one of his books! Of all his movies, Edward Sciossorhands is my most favorite! It’s pure genius…the message is real and unmistakable. I love it. John Waters isn’t far behind…as are the Coen Brothers.

55. I love all things, Gone With the Wind…and so does Big Daddy!

56. Nothing says, “Thank You,” better than a personalized, old-fashioned mail-with-a-stamp card…that doesn’t have “Thank You,” already printed on it. Regular stationery with a kind note expressing thanks is far more meaningful.

57. I respond well to Reiki.

58. I want to be buried in a “green” cemetery…with Grammy and Andrew.

59. My first job was at an Ice Cream store and I used to make out with one of my co-workers while I was on the clock. I think a lot of “hanky panky” went on there. One time another co-worker decided to test the spray mace we kept behind the counter. In the store. After a minute or two, we both ended up sitting outside, coughing and choking, eyes and noses running. My grandmother’s first job was at an ice cream store, too, but I don’t think she kissed anyone on the job.

60. I love to run. Before I ran in real life, I would run in my dreams. I can still remember dreams where I am running through a forest (in a non-scary way) or through a European-looking village. Now that I run in real life, I am realizing how much I truly love running…but I don’t get to nearly enough (I have two kids!) and I’m not very good at it. But I still love it.

61. One time in high school I woke up and started taking my shower, and my mother came in and told me to go back to bed. I was confused…it was only 2 am, and I thought it was morning.

62. My friend Susan and I, along with her three siblings went on a toilet papering rampage that ended with the police being called to her house. Despite ALL of us being dressed entirely in black (and awake in the middle of the night), the cops didn’t even ask to speak to her parents. Her older sister, who was a student at Yale at the time, convinced them that we were just having a slumber party and NOT out causing mischief. Those were the good ‘ol days!

63. When I was 7 weeks pregnant I had to drive home from pet-sitting in a freak snow storm. My car did 2 180 degree spins before I was able to pull over and wait for help. The next day I started bleeding, and we thought for sure I was losing the pregnancy, but at the hospital they did an ultrasound and there was M, the size of a peanut, with a fantastic heart beat! About 5 months later, the most perfect baby boy in all the land was born! And the next day he balanced my check book. I kid, I kid…Just checking to see if you are still reading…Anyone who knows M is getting a chuckle from that!

64. My mother had a book banned from my Elementary School Library. It showed a python eating a baby chicken using time lapse photography. I cried and cried when I saw it. I thought it was just a book about animals. Maybe that one event shaped my future career as a veterinary nurse (and goat farmer!)

65. When we ask the kids to say the blessing before meals, Andrew and I turn to each other and yell, “THE BLESSING!” like the Great Uncle from “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” shouting at his hard-of-hearing wife. It kind of defeats the whole purpose of saying the blessing, I suppose.

66. I drink fluids all day long. You will rarely find me with out a drink in my hand (non-alcoholic, of course! Unless it’s after 5 PM, then all bets are off!)

67. Part of my job description includes, “Cleaning up placenta,” and I know, from work, that it’s easier to put manual milkers on teats when you AREN’T looking at the udder.

68. I have a hard time getting rid of books. After I read them, I feel like they become a part of me. To let them go would be like letting a little piece of me go. I have an emotional investment in my books. There. I said it.

69. Halloween is my favorite holiday.

70. I believe a man’s word and firm handshake should be just as good as a written contract.

71. I am my own worst enemy, especially when my mind is racing at night. Insomnia is a bee-och.

72. My cat Mr. Naughty is more like my roommate than a cat, but the other two cats are just pets; and the one who lives outside is a charity case. Andrew swears Mr. Naughty tries to “woo” me. I think he’s right.

73. My favorite candy (for now) is Candy Corn. You either love ‘em, or hate ‘em. I love ‘em.

74. If I could do ANYTHING right now, I would choose to be an “Ikette” and dance and sing with Tina Turner. Proud Mary.

75. Someday, I’d love to have a little bit of land, a few animals and a large front porch with rocking chairs and a swing. We’ll call our farm “Scuderia” after Andrew’s love of Ferraris.

76. I love pajama pants and tank-tops. I probably own more pajama bottoms than actual pants. No, wait. I do.

77. I am a peanut-a-holic

78. I love my in-laws

79. I went through a phase when I thought I wanted to be an undertaker. And then a coroner. But it’s actually a lot less “macabre” and a lot more “gruesome” and actually more disgusting that I want anything to do with! I think the closest I could come to being an undertaker is to dress up like “Elvira” for Halloween.

80. When I see a Honda CRX driving on the road, I get little butterflies in my tummy because they remind me to when I first met Andrew, and how happy we were…and still are. We met when we were 21. Babies!

81. Two of my favorite TV shows are Dawson’s Creek and Twin Peaks

82. I love being a mom; I have two amazing kids.

83. I work at a farm for fun. I respect the people who work there for work. I thank my parents for making me go/sending me to college. The farm owner has her Master’s Degree in Livestock Management. Think about it.

84. I have never broken a bone (that I know of) but my mother has early osteoporosis, so I began taking calcium supplements at the ripe old age of 31.

85. I am a very active person, but one of my most favorite things to do is get cozy in my gigantic bed, snuggle up with covers, close the blinds (room darkening shades) so that my bedroom looks like a cave, and watch an afternoon movie. But I have kids, so for now, that’s just a fantasy.

86. I love my life.

87. I haven’t seen a movie in a movie theater since we moved here. Over two years ago. But if we ever go to the movies again, I want a HUGE popcorn covered with a Big Mac’s worth of butter. And candy. And I want Andrew to feed it to me, just like our first movie date (“Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery.”)

88. My husband was initially attracted to my smile…he had no idea it was full of crowns from an accident I had a few years prior, nor how much my teeth would eventually cost him.

89. I used to smoke cigarettes…now I think that smoking is the most vile habit a person could enter into.

90. I miss Grammy.

91. I love nachos, especially ones with black beans.

92. I haven’t bought diapers (or pull ups!) in months, and I intend to keep it that way!

93. I don’t want to be remembered for (or blamed for) the person I was 15 years ago. Or even 10 years ago. At age 32, I’m finally starting to “get it.”

94. One of my favorite smells is my daughter’s breath just after a nap. I also liked the way my kids’ poo smelled when I was breastfeeding them. I know, it sounds gross. I’m sure it goes back to some kind of animal-mothering-instinct thing. To me, the poo smelled like buttered popcorn.

95. If I had to have the job of a TV character, I would choose to be one of Charlie’s Angels. I would have cool hair, tight jeans, kickin’ boots and all the ninja moves needed to defeat bad guys. I think Andrew would choose to be The Fonz. Or maybe I’d be on Twin Peaks.

96. I always try my best.

97. I believe that the comedic genius, Old Hollywood handsomeness and low, growly voice of George Clooney is severely underrated. If I was Angelina Jolie, I would have said to Brad Pitt, “So…who’s your friend?”

98. I wonder what the world would be like if there were really Superheroes. Would the world be a better place? Or would we all make fun of the weird dude with the Spandex with the utility belt?

99. I don’t believe in Spanx. If I need to wear Spanx, it means I need to put down the fork and start doing sit-ups.

100. I AM a Rockstar.