"The Punisher"

M is invited to a "five year old" birthday party this weekend. But of course, since nothing having to do with kids is simple, we were instructed on the invitation to “don” (yes, the mom used the word “don” as in “don we now our gay apparel….fa la la, fa la la, la, la, la"…) the costume of a favorite Super Hero. Oh, and by the way, you have exactly 1 week to put this shizz together. Great.

So, after finding a phone booth and spinning in a mystical circle with my arms outstretched, I “donned” my OWN “Super Mom” costume (who am I kidding, I just live in it now…) and sat down at the ol' computer (God forbid I do any ACTUAL shopping in an ACTUAL store…) and googled “Super Hero.”

You see, much like Ike and Tina, we don’t do anything “nice and easy” in this house, so any “run of the mill” boring Super Hero just wouldn’t do. No Superman with his red briefs and cape. No Batman (---although to my delight and horror M suggested “Robin,” which is pretty funny…because who ever wants to be the sidekick-especially when the “main guy” is missing---) for us. I suggested, maybe, someone from “Star Wars,” which doesn’t technically fit the bill, but when M agreed but asked to be “a vehicle,” I decided that I better choose for him. M has never been into Super Heroes, so I'd try to pick a winner.

I decided that in the interest of time and money, I would simply purchase a t-shirt with some Super Hero logo on it and then at least he’d be able to wear it again. I had it narrowed down to two—but when I said one of them was, “Captain America,” my mother poo-pooed it as “too whimpy/sissy” so I settled on…

The Punisher

Ok, here’s the thing…The Punisher is a VERY dark Super Hero. For those of you not channeling your inner nerd (or those of you who DON’T own a comic book store and DIDN’T get your Masters Degree in Folklore and Mythology…) the Punisher started fighting crime after witnessing the murder of his parents in Central Park. However, unlike Batman/Bruce Wayne, the Punisher doesn’t use gizmos and gadgets to “restrain” perps while he waits for the Police to arrive. Rather, the Punisher uses vigilante justice as his mode of controlling the under-lords of crime. In his wikipedia character bio, it essentially states that the Punisher is fighting a one-man war against crime and he uses the same criminal tactics (murder, kidnapping, torture etc.) to vex the villains. Oh, and of course he is a master of marital arts. Hi----ah!

Totally inappropriate for kids, I’m sure, and the t-shirt is borderline scary. But M is really into Lego Castle and Lego Exoforce and both “sets” come with Lego skeleton men, which he LOVES, and he loves Pirate stuff so why not wear a skull t-shirt? Right?! Right?!! (I’m looking for justification here…please!)

I’m sure a few of the other Mommies at the party will give me dirty looks, (only the ones who dressed their kids up like Captain America...heh…heh) but the dads will all think I’m “cool.” M will gain even more “street cred” and Andrew will roll his eyes. Again. But hey, even The Punisher needs to party!