Tonight Andrew and I took the kids to look at Christmas lights. It's a BEAUTIFUL, cold night here in Anderson...the sky is black, the stars are brights, and damn it, I feel "Christmas-y."
Of course, the kids were wondering where their movie was (it's Ice Age and like the obviously TROLL parents that we are, we turned it off to look at the lights...do we SUCK or what?! Gee, I can't WAIT for teenagers...)
I decided to thumb around the radio to see if we could find some Christmas tunes. Not LAME, ear-bleed-eliciting "Country Christmas." Not yoddlerific, soul inspired, "let's-see-how-long-we-can-draw-out-this-note," modern Christmas music. But real, bells and strings traditional Christmas music. Ah yes, the stuff we grew up on.
During a commercial break, we heard an advertisment for "Princess Weddings." Apparently, Disney has teamed up with some kind of wedding dress/producing company to offer weddings with a Snow White/Belle/Ariel/Jasmin/Aurora(Sleeping Beauty)/Cinderella theme. The commercial highlighted a wedding in which the bride chose a "Belle" themed wedding dress. Nice. Classy.
I began to think about which Princess I most identified with. Certainly not Belle. Aside from the fact that I went on a first date that went HIDIOUSLY wrong during "Beauty and the Beast," (it was as if the movie was taking place in the very theater itself...) she's a brunette, and well, I'm not. Just as I was identifying most with Ariel (because she likes to sing, has "whatchamacallits and thingamabobs," hangs out with a gay crab named Sebastian (LOVE IT!), a fat friend named "Flounder" ("Animal House", anyone???) and totally ROCKS the clam shell bikini...I decided to ask ANDREW which Princess he MOST thinks I embody...
As I sat with a smirk of self-satisfaction, knowing he would clearly pick Aurora, for she is so sweet, and beautiful...blonde and likes to sleep a lot...or maybe Cinderella because Andrew is so sweet and would pick "The Princess of All Princesses" out to represent his lovely bride...he said...
"Wasn't Jasmin kind of a bitch in the beginning?" He asked?
Stunned...I replied..."Um well, yes...um...I don't know...I mean...she's a brunette...and well (I started to panic...after all, she DID own a pet tiger...SHIT)...uh...you know...WHAT??? WHAT??? Did you just say she was kind of a BITCH? What are you saying? What? I mean, she wears PANTS! She's the only Princess that wears PANTS. I am NOT a Princess that wears PANTS---" I was cut off...
"She was a bitch? Ok then, then that's you." Pause. Here's what went through my head...and then Andrew spoke again.
What?! Seriously? Is that TRUE? Am I really Jasmin? Do I have to wear PANTS?!
Next thought...Andrew said, "And those pants are more like pantaloons...there's a real "MC Hammer" thing goin' on."
CLEARLY the honest thoughts of a husband who is going on 10 years of marriage.
So what...so I sometimes listen to Vivien's "Disney Princess" CD and substitute the words, "I can show you my peesch..." for "I can show you the world" while lewdly gesturing at my crotch (out of sight of the children, of course!) So I work with gigantic guardian dogs, they HARDLY qualify as tigers. Ok, fine. They do. So what?
I suppose I need Princess Reform School. A place where they turn bitchy Jasmins into submissive, silent, bird-whispering Snow Whites...NAH! Insightful, insightful Andrew!
Which Princess are YOU?
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