Brisk Walk? Or Major Ass Kicking...

Brisk Walk? Or Major Ass Kicking.. Current mood: mischievous
In order to stay in top MILF form, I *try* to excercise whenever I can. And I mean, dedicated excercise. Not a frantic dash for the road to stop my 3 year old from becoming "road pizza." Not the hurried chase to grab my daughter's hand just before she puts a wild mushroom in her mouth. And no, not even the multiple (and I mean MULTIPLE) squats I perform picking up matchbox cars, "Little People," and other miscellany off the playroom floor. And folks, it just neverending.
No, I mean REAL excercise. Red face, sweaty, huffy-puffy excercise. I most often switch between pilates and walking. I can do pilates at home and well, I can walk with the kids in the jog stroller (or if I'm lucky enough, hand them off to my "ol' man" so I can get a really great, long walk in---without having to push the rickshaw---I mean stroller---with over 50 lbs. of kids on board.
True story: I went to the YMCA because I had heard it was really, super-duper nice with a great excercise area and huge indoor pool, tons of aerobics classes etc. They even have a fully-staffed nursery where you can stick your kids while you work out. Seeing as this is the Bible Belt and everyone's "Christian," I was advised that I didn't even need to do the extensive back ground check on the caretakers I planned on doing. So I go to the Y with my kids in tow, fantasizing about my rock hard abs and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. During the tour I received, we stopped by said nursery at which time, an employee hurried out, ghost-white in the face, to inform my tour guide that one of the instructor's kids had fallen down and was BLEEDING FROM HER EAR. Of course chaos insued, and in the middle of it all, I shuffled back towards the entrance, dragging my kids who were kicking and screaming at this point, and spoke, "I'll just let myself out..." No one heard me, and I'm NEVER leaving my kids there. The end.
So walking and pilates it is, for now.
When I walk, I like to listen to music. Don't get me wrong, the sounds of nature are great and all, but I'm already getting the fresh air and seeing all of Nature's Glory, now gimme my iPod. I have several different playlists to choose from, but I've recently created a playlist called "Excercise" which is filled with music that is supposed to get me fired up and pumped to work out. The trouble is, the music I've picked revs me up to fight. It seems to get me TOO fired up. So there I was today...little black shorts, piece-of-crap t-shirt from Old Navy that I only wear to work out in, hoodie zip-up, baseball hat and Gucci sunglasses. Oh, and all of my jewelry. I'm sure I looked like buttah. I'm all set to go walking, only as soon as I turn my music on, I feel like I'm Rocky, training for a fight. Like if 88 Ninjas dressed up like Reservoir Dogs wearing "Zorro" masks jumped out of the bushes, I could take 'em. Gucci glasses, and all. The more I walk, the more I'm ready to kick the shit out of someone, if need be. Or have sex. I can't really decide. Either way, it's inappropriate!
So I will now post my playlist:
Can't Stand Me Now - The Libertines
Battle Without Honor - Kill Bill, Vol. 1
Hung Up - Madonna
Shake Your Rump - Beastie Boys
Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Santa Esmerelda
Fall on my Knees - Old Crow Medicine Show
Ya Mama - The Pharcyde
Holiday - Green Day
I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness
Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy
Shake Ya Ass - Mystikal
Maria- Blondie
We Run This - Missy Elliot
It ends up being a little over a hour of music. And I'm not saying these are the best songs, either. I'm just saying that if you see someone walking who looks like a harmless little hausfrau, jogging or walking with a pink iPod mini in hand, do NOT sneak up on her. She's all wound up and ready to pounce!