Well, He's Got MY Imagination...

Most of the time, my childrens' comedic outbursts are hilariously predictable. At the very least, their humor directly pertains to the conversational subject. Just as the audience “cooed” and “guffawed” at the adorable quips of Rudy on “The Cosby Show” or nodded in smiling approval at The Beaver as his innocent hilarity summed it all up…so do my children supply unyielding humor in my life and unending fuel for my blog…

However, sometimes, as kids will be kids, they will ask random questions and make random comments...like, (V: “Momma, I REALLY like your boobies...I have small boobies, you have BIG boobies!” or “Momma, little girls drink juice…When I’m a Momma like you, I can drink WINE!”) such was the case tonight, as my father (“Big Al”) and I moved furniture in my bedroom.

[Enter M, through the bedroom door…upstage]

M: Mom, do mosquitoes drink your blood?

Me: Yes

(Because I believe that honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to science, and it’s true…mosquitoes DO drink you blood!)

M : [BURSTS INTO TEARS…NAY, HYSTERICS, SCREAMING…] NOOOOO! No, no, no…NOOO! NOOOO!

Me: [Stifling a laugh, because, bless his heart, he was honestly and earnestly TERRIFIED]

M: But Momma… [between sobs] I don’t wanna turn into a ZOMBIE!

We tried telling him that it simply wasn’t true. We tried telling him that if HE bit a MOSQUITO, the mosquito would turn into a BOY (which he reluctantly considered, but in the end rejected…) and finally we reasoned with him, pointing out that size ratio between a teeny-tiny mosquito versus a nearly 6 year old boy negated the possibility of enough sanguine consumption essential for full-on zombie transformation; a theorem that was (gratefully) accepted. I’m not sure when or where he gathered the information required to connect a mosquito bite with a zombie transformation, or why he decided, at that moment, to burst into the room with his query, however after several reassuring hugs from Big Al and Momma, M seemed adequately satiated, and ready to move on to his next hypothesis. Thankfully, I’ve just finished the Twilight saga, so I feel fully prepared to tackle any vampire or werewolf questions…